the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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