help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
