I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
