things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
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Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
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So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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