you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
