Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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