we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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