Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I need to stop coming to work sober
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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