Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
