dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Drunk is not a location!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
