Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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