allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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