So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
