Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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