I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize