Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
