What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
