Buhtt sex?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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