How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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