three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
