I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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