He had one of those small greek statue penises
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
