Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
