porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
