i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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