butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
