If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
