I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
