She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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