billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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