I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
