Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
