i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
