is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
