she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
