you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
