I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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