the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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