Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Randomize
