she was so not down for the gang bang
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
