How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We have so much sex to catch up on
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
