walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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