I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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