I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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