Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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