I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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