Welp...herpes.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
