if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
