I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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