I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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