I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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