I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
