everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
