I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
