pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
