Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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