i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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