i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
