Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
