only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
