why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
