apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
