Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think my moral compass just broke
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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