i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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