So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
