Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
