Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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