she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
