why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Randomize
