Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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