hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
