so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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