My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
