I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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