He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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