I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
