My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
