Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
