Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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