the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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