I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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