One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
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Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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