Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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